It’s not something many like to think about.
Most people choose not to interact with funeral homes until they, unfortunately, have to after the loss of a loved one.
It can be a whirlwind of planning, and getting through it all is easier with friends and family at your side.
However, funeral services, like most businesses, have been drastically limited in scope as part of efforts to slow the spread of the coronavirus.
Funeral homes have been limited to a maximum of 10 people for viewings and graveside services, and the restrictions are hard for both families and workers.
“I don’t like having to tell somebody you have to keep it to 10 people or less. People don’t want to have to do that,” said John Smith, a funeral director at Thacker Brothers Funeral Home in Scottsville. “It’s really a hard thing to do.”
Some places are going further than the recommended restrictions. Smith said his funeral home is holding private viewings and allowing only two people to enter at a time.
However, David Bashline, manager at Teague Funeral Service in Charlottesville, said some cemeteries are allowing more than 10 people to observe graveside services if they remain in their cars.
While the restrictions have been difficult for those grieving, Bashline said, “the majority of people have been understanding.”
But that’s not always the case. Despite all of the warnings and safety recommendations to slow the spread of the coronavirus, Smith said many people aren’t following the rules.
“People do not listen,” he said. “I think a lot of it might be the grief they’re dealing with. Other people might think it’s not affecting them. When you start getting family members from all different households, the spread of the virus is even more contagious that way.”
Some funeral homes are holding virtual services so people can attend from home, but Smith pointed out that some rural areas don’t have internet or cell service to conduct such services.
Bashline said his funeral home is limiting the number of staff at a funeral, causing workers to balance safety and service.
“The funeral business is all about service, and when you’re accustomed to providing four or five or six staff members to have a service — we’re not doing that now,” he said. “If we can have a service with two people, that’s what we do.”
Funeral directors also are seeing an increase in cremations and have started offering paperwork online to limit face-to-face interactions. Cremation almost has become the “preferred service” during the pandemic, Bashline said, and the virus may have swayed those who weren’t sure if they wanted to be buried or cremated.
However, while safety measures have physically changed how people grieve, the mourning process is still the same.
“The grief process hasn’t changed in terms of what people will go through and the emotions and the feelings of loss — it’s that the circumstances are different,” said Elizabeth Irvin, a therapist and executive director of The Women’s Initiative in Charlottesville.
Being unable to physically connect with family and friends when a loved one dies is a “huge loss,” Irvin said.
“It’s a tremendously difficult time to be grieving,” she said. “Video chat or phone or text will never feel the same as connecting with family or friends when we can in person.”
Although connecting with people electronically doesn’t offer all of the benefits as do face-to-face interactions, Irvin encouraged those who are grieving to continue speaking with people virtually. While services can be postponed until the pandemic is over, the grief process cannot.
“I just encourage people to find the ways that they can still meaningfully share the celebration of the life of the person who is no longer with us and still connect socially and emotionally with family and friends,” she said.
Many families have opted for a small graveside service during the pandemic while planning a larger celebration of life once safety concerns diminish. Bashline said the practice could become a new norm.
“Probably half the folks we’ve been able to serve in the past six weeks or so, they’ve said, ‘we want to do something in the future, how do we go about doing that?’” he said. “I think it’s going to open up a lot of new pathways to be able to look at things in a different manner.”
A worker at an Albemarle County funeral home who did not want to be named summed up the feeling expressed at many facilities: “We’re doing the best we can. That’s really all you can do.”
Source: www.dailyprogress.com
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